Funny Dog Quotes - French Bulldog at desk with poker face and eyeglasses - Wag Trendz®

99 Funny Dog Quotes

Posted by Wag Trendz on

Are you a dog lover looking for a good laugh? Look no further! The internet has been scoured to compile the best collection of funny dog quotes to tickle your funny bone.

From witty one-liners to hilarious observations about your furry friends, you're covered. Join in as we explore the world of humorous dog quotes and share the favorites with you.

Whether you're a proud dog owner or simply enjoy a good laugh, we guarantee you'll find something to make you smile. So, sit back, relax, and enjoy the funniest dog quotes that could be found!

"Every snack you make, every meal you bake. Every bite you take, I’ll be watching you." - Unknown

"My dog thinks he's human. I'm starting to believe him." - Unknown

"Crazy dogs live here, do NOT knock, they will bark, I will yell, chaos will ensue." - Unknown

"Dogs are great at math. Every time I go to the fridge, my dog knows exactly how many pieces of cheese I have left." - Unknown

"My dogs are the reason I wake up every morning…really, really, early. Every. Single. Morning" - Unknown

"A well trained dog will make no attempt to share your lunch. He will just make you feel so guilty that you cannot enjoy it." – Helen Thomson

"My dog is not a lap dog, he's a personal space invader." - Unknown

"I named my dog 'Stay,' so I can say 'Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay'" - Steven Wright

"Today’s Agenda…Let the dog out, Let the dog in, Let the dog out, Let the dog in (Repeat)" - Unknown

"I wish I could take my dog to work with me. She's better at dealing with stress than I am." - Unknown

Funny Dog Quotes - Shih Tzu mix wearing dog harness and leash set in Street Graffiti - sitting outdoors in a driveway - Wag Trendz®

"Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window." - Steve Bluestone

"I think my dog might be a genius. He just won't do anything he doesn't want to do." - Unknown

"Dogs are like humans, only without the flaws." - Unknown

"I like dogs and maybe three people." - Unknown

"I’d have a better chance of remembering your name if you were a dog." - Unknown

"If your dog doesn’t like someone you probably shouldn’t, either." - Unknown

"Dog is God spelled backwards" - Duane Chapman

"Dogs never lie about love." - Jeffrey Moussaieff Masson

"I've trained my dog to bring me a glass of wine. It's a lot easier than training a husband." - Unknown

"I used to have a life, but my dog ate it." - Unknown

"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. Unless they eat your shoes, then your life is a little less whole." - Unknown

"I’m calling in sick today, I came down with puppy fever." - Unknown

"I think my dog is part cat. She won't fetch, she ignores me when I call her, and she likes to sleep 20 hours a day." - Unknown

"Dogs have masters. Cats have staff. But I think my dog has a union." - Unknown

"My dog has more followers on Instagram than I do. I'm not sure how I feel about that." - Unknown

"I deeply care for about 5 people in my life and about 200-500 dogs on the internet that I've never met." - Unknown

"Dogs do speak, but only to those who know how to listen."- Orhan Pamuk

"Dogs are like potato chips, you can't have just one." - Unknown

"My dog is not spoiled, he just has better taste than me." - Unknown

"Whoever said diamonds are a girl's best friend never owned a dog." - Unknown

"My dog is not spoiled, he's just well-loved." - Unknown

"You can usually tell that a man is good if he has a dog who loves him." – W. Bruce Cameron

"The only time my dog listens to me is when I have food." - Unknown

"My dog is not allowed on the couch, but he still manages to claim it as his own." - Unknown

"My dog is not lazy, he's energy efficient." - Unknown

"Never trust a person that doesn’t love dogs." - Unknown

"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole... of dog hair." - Unknown

"My dog is not a diva, she's just confident." - Unknown

Funny Dog Quotes - German Shepherd mix wearing dog collars harnesses & Leashes - Camo Pink - against white background - Wag

"Do you ever look at your dog and think… How did I get so lucky?" - Unknown

"My dog is not a guard dog, she's a doorbell." - Unknown

"My dog is not a snack thief, he's a food liberator." - Unknown

"The more people I meet, the more I like my dog." - Unknown

"Happiness is a warm puppy." - Charles M. Schulz

"Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot about puppies." - Gene Hill

"Dogs are not just pets, they're furry therapists." - Unknown

"If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them." - Phil Pastoret

"What counts is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight – it’s the size of the fight in the dog." – Dwight D. Eisenhower

"My dog is not a snob, she just knows what she likes." - Unknown

"My dog is not a guard dog, he's a security blanket with teeth." - Unknown

"Dogs are not just pets, they're therapists with fur." - Unknown

"My dog is not spoiled, she's just well loved." - Unknown

"Dogs are not just pets, they're four-legged love machines." - Unknown

"Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives." – Sue Murphy

"Dogs are great. Bad dogs, if you can really call them that, are perhaps the greatest of them all." - John Grogan

"The average dog is a nicer person than the average person." - Andy Rooney

"My dog is not lazy, he's just conserving energy." - Unknown

"Dogs have a way of finding joy in the simplest things, like a stick or a tennis ball." - Unknown

"My dog is not a beggar, she's a food critic." - Unknown

"The dog is the god of frolic." - Henry Ward Beecher

"My dog is not spoiled, she's just treated better than most people." - Unknown

Funny Dog Quotes - French Bulldog wearing dog harness in camo with orange accents - sitting outdoors - Wag Trendz®

"My dog is not just a pet, he's a lifestyle." - Unknown

"My dog is not just a pet, he's a source of endless entertainment." - Unknown

"Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail." - Kinky Friedman

"Dogs are not just pets, they're mood-boosters and stress-relievers." - Unknown

"In order to keep a true perspective of one’s importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him." - Derek Bruce

"Dogs are not just pets, they're furry alarm clocks with wagging tails." - Unknown

"My dog is not stubborn, she's just determined." - Unknown

"Some of our greatest historical and artistic treasures we place with curators in museums; others we take for walks." – Roger A. Caras

"My dog is not a vacuum cleaner, he's a floor treat inspector." - Unknown

"My dog is not a therapist, but he listens better than most humans." - Unknown

"My dog is not a lap dog, she's a full-body cuddler." - Unknown

"Dogs are not just pets, they're furry roommates." - Unknown

"I don’t think twice about picking up my dog’s poop, but if another dog’s poop is next to it, I think, ‘Eww, dog poop!" – Jonah Goldberg

"My dog thinks I'm a superhero because I can open the peanut butter jar." - Unknown

"My goal in life is to be as good of a person as my dog already thinks I am." - Unknown

"My dog is not a picky eater, she just has a discerning taste." - Unknown

"To those non-pet owners, if you don’t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That’s why they call it “Fur”-niture." - Unknown

"The best therapist has fur and four legs." - Unknown

"My dog is not a dog, he's a furry little human in a dog suit." - Unknown

"My dog is not a nuisance, he's a furry life coach." - Unknown

"I named my dog '5 miles' so I can tell people I walk 5 miles every day." - Unknown

"My dog is not a lap dog, she's a full-time snuggle buddy." - Unknown

"My dog is not spoiled, I'm just well trained." - Unknown

"The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven, not man's." - Mark Twain

"I love my dog more than most people." - Unknown

"My fashion philosophy is, if you're not covered in dog hair, your life is empty." - Elayne Boosler

"Dogs are not just pets, they're furry family members." - Unknown

"I wish I could be half as wonderful as my dogs think I am." - Unknown

"The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs." - Charles de Gaulle

"My dog is not a couch potato, he's a professional napper." - Unknown

"The more I see of men, the more I admire dogs." - Madame de Staël

"I'm convinced that petting a puppy is good luck." - Meg Donohue

"If there are no dogs in heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went." - Will Rogers

"The difference between cats and dogs is that dogs come when they're called, while cats take a message and get back to you." - Unknown

"Dogs are like children, but with fur instead of diapers." - Unknown

"My dog is not a nuisance, he's a joy-spreader." - Unknown

Funny Dog Quotes - English Bulldog wearing H Dog Harness in XO black and white with red accents - sitting in the grass outdoors - Wag Trendz®


"I have caught more ills from people sneezing over me and giving me virus infections than from kissing dogs." – Barbara Woodhouse

"I’m a lot less cranky when it’s just me and my dog." – Bob Peterson

"The reason dogs have so many friends is because they wag their tails instead of their tongues." - Unknown

Rounding out the quotes above, we leave you with last but not least…

"Dog Owner House Rules
  1. The dog is only allowed in certain rooms
  2. Ok, the dog is allowed in all rooms but must stay off the furniture!
  3. Ok, the dog is allowed on the furniture but by invitation only!
  4. Fine! The dog is allowed on all furniture but is not allowed to sleep on the bed!
  5. The humans must ask permission to sleep on the bed with the dog…" - Unknown

Hope these funny dog quotes made you smile!

Dogs bring so much joy and laughter into our lives, and these quotes capture that spirit perfectly.

Embrace the chaos, snuggle up with your pup, and enjoy all the laughs and love that come with being a dog owner.

Which one is your favorite? What are some of your favorite funny dog quotes? Comment Below.


-the Wag Trendz® team-

← Older Post Newer Post →


  • amazing dog captions

    daud on

Leave a comment

Dog Tales Blog - Helpful Tips For You & Your Dog

IVDD In Dogs - Dog Harness in Street Graffiti worn by Corgi - against yellow and gray background

IVDD in Dogs: Understanding, Preventing, and Managing Intervertebral Disc Disease

Wag Trendz
By Wag Trendz

Our beloved canine companions bring immense joy and happiness into our lives. However, they're not immune to health issues, and one condition that affects many...

Read more
Dog Collars - French bulldog wearing Reflective Dog Collar against pink and blue ombre background - Wag Trendz

Dog Collars: The Ultimate Guide to Choosing the Right Dog Collar

Wag Trendz
By Wag Trendz

When it comes to selecting the perfect collar for your furry friend, the myriad of options can be overwhelming. However, understanding the specific features, benefits,...

Read more